11:44 am  

positive thinking thought #36

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS Building a pleasing personality I will pay more for the ability to deal with people than for any other ability...

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

Building a pleasing personality

I will pay more for the ability to deal with people than for any other ability under the sun.

--John Rockefeller

We do not have business problems. We have people problems. When we solve our people problems, our business problems are substantially resolved. People knowledge is more important than product knowledge. Successful people build pleasing and magnetic personalities, which is what makes them charismatic. This helps in getting friendly cooperation from others. A pleasing personality is easy to recognize but hard to define. It is apparent in the way a person walks and talks, his tone of voice, the warmth in his behavior and his definitive level of confidence. Some people never lose their attractiveness regardless of age because it flows both from the face and the heart. A pleasing personality is a combination of a person's attitude, behavior, and expressions. Wearing a pleasant expression is more important than anything else you wear. It takes a lot more than a shoeshine and a manicure to give a person polish. Charming manners used to disguise a poor character may work in the short run, but reveal themselves rather quickly. Relationships based on talent and personality alone, without character, make life miserable. Charisma without character is like good looks without goodness. The bottom line is, a lasting winning combination requires both character and charisma.

Be courteous to all, but intimate with a few, arid let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.

True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.

George Washington, January 15,1783

LIFE IS AN ECHO

A little boy got angry with his mother and shouted at her, "I hate you, I hate you." Because of fear of reprimand, he ran out of the house. He went up to the valley and shouted, "I hate you, I hate you," and back came the echo, "I hate you, I hate you." This was the first time in his life he had heard an echo. He got scared, went to his mother for protection and said there was a bad boy in the valley who shouted "I hate you, I hate you." The mother understood and she asked her son to go back and shout, "I love you, I love you." The little boy went and shouted, "I love you, I love you," and back came the echo. That taught the little boy a lesson that our life is like an echo: We get back what we give.

Benjamin Franklin said, "When you are good to others, you are best to yourself."

LIFE IS A BOOMERANG

Whether it is our thoughts, actions or behavior, sooner or later they return and with great accuracy.

Treat people with respect on your way up because you will be meeting them on your way down.

The following story is taken from The Best of. . . Bits & Pieces.*

Many years ago two boys were working their way through Stanford University. Their funds got desperately low, and the idea came to them to engage Ignacy Paderewski for a piano recital. They would use the funds to help pay their board and tuition.

The great pianist's manager asked for a guarantee ofÄ$2,000.

The guarantee was a lot of money in those days, but the boys agreed and proceeded to promote the concert. They worked hard, only to find that they had grossed only $1,600.

After the concert the two boys told the great artist the bad news. They gave him the entire $1,600, along with a promissory note for $400, explaining that they would earn the amount at the earliest possible moment and send the money to him. It looked like the end of their college careers.

"No, boys," replied Paderewski, "that won't do." Then, tearing the note in two, he returned the money to them as well. "Now," he told them, "take out of this $1,600 all of your expenses and keep for each of you 10 percent of the balance for your work. Let me have the rest."

The years rolled by. World War I came and went. Paderewski, now premier of Poland, was striving to feed thousands of starving people in his native land. The only person in the world who could help him was Herbert Hoover, who was in charge of the US Food and Relief Bureau. Hoover responded and soon thousands of tons of food were sent to Poland.

After the starving people were fed, Paderewski journeyed to Paris to thank Hoover for the relief sent him.

"That's all right, Mr. Paderewski ," was Hoover's reply. "Besides, you don't remember it, but you helped me once when I was a student at college, and I was in trouble."

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Goodness has a way of coming back; that is the nature of the beast. One doesn't have to do good with a desire to get back. It just happens automatically.

WE SEE THINGS NOT THE WAY THEY ARE BUT THE WAY WE ARE

There is a legend about a wise man who was sitting outside his village. A traveler came up and asked him, "What kind of people live in this village, because I am looking to move from my present one?" The wise man asked, "What kind of people live where you want to move from?" The man said, "They are mean, cruel, rude." The wise man replied, "The same kind of people live in this village too." After some time another traveler came by and asked the same question and the wise man asked him, "What kind of people live where you want to move from?" And the traveler replied, "The people are very kind, courteous, polite and good." The wise man said, "You will find the same kind of people here too."

What is the moral of the story?

Generally we see the world not the way it is but the way we are. Most of the time, other people's behavior is a reaction to our own.

TRUST

I believe all relationships are trust relationships, such as employer employee, parentchild, husband wife, student / teacher, buyer / seller, customer / salesperson. How can we have trust without integrity? Crisis in trust really means crisis in truth. Trust results from being trustworthy.

What are the factors that build trust?

Ø  Reliability --gives predictability and comes from commitment.

Ø  Consistency --builds confidence.

Ø  Respect--to self and others gives dignity and shows a caring attitude.

Ø  Fairness--appeals to justice and integrity.

Ø  Openness--shows two-way traffic.

Ø  Congruence--action and words harmonize. If a person says one thing and behaves differently, how can you trust that person?

Ø  Competence--comes when a person has the ability and the attitude to serve.

Ø  Integrity--the key ingredient to trust.

Ø  Acceptance in spite of our effort to improve we need to accept each other with our pluses and minuses.

Ø  Character--a person may have all the competence but if he lacks character he can't be trusted.

Trust is a greater compliment than love. There are some people we love but we can't trust them. Relationships are like bank accounts: The more we deposit, the greater they become, therefore, the more we can draw from them. However, if you try to draw without depositing, it leads to disappointment.

Many times we feel we are overdrawn but in reality we may be under deposited. Below are some of the consequences of poor relationships and the lack of trust.

Stress Poor health

Lack of communication Distrust

Irritation Anger

Close-mindedness Prejudice

No team spirit Breakdown of morale

Lack of credibility Uncooperative behavior

Poor self-esteem Conflict

Suspicion Frustration

Loss of productivity Unhappiness

Isolation

What are Some Factors That Prevent Building and Maintaining Positive Relationships?

Most of them are self-explanatory or elaborated on later in this chapter.

Selfishness

Lack of courtesy

Inconsiderate behavior

Not meeting commitments

Rude behavior

Lack of integrity and honesty

Self-centeredness --- person all wrapped up in himself makes a pretty small package.

Arrogance --- An arrogant person is content with his opinion and knowledge. That will guarantee him perpetual ignorance.

Conceit---Since nature abhors a vacuum, she fills empty heads with conceit.

John bragged, "My son gets his intelligence from me." His wife replied, "I am sure he does, because I have still got mine."

Negative attitude

Closed mind

Lack of listening

Suspicious nature

Lack of respect for values (low morals)

Lack of discipline

Lack of compassion (cruelty is a sign of weakness)

Impatience

Anger--Temper gets a person in trouble and ego keeps him there.

Manipulative behavior

Escapist behavior

Touchy nature

Inconsistency

Unwillingness to accept the truth

Past bad experience

An uncaring attitude being ignored is not a good feeling. It shows a lack of concern.

Greed--is like sea water: The more you drink, the thirstier you get.

This probably is not an all-inclusive list. Most of us may have some of the characteristics mentioned above. Some may have more of one than the other. The objective is to evaluate and adjust course in those areas.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EGO AND PRIDE

The biggest hurdle in building a positive relationship is Ego. Ego is self-intoxicating. Ego is negative pride resulting in arrogance. Healthy pride is a feeling of the pleasure of accomplishment with humility. Ego gives a swollen head while pride gives a swollen heart. A big head gives a big headache whereas a big heart gives humility.

No matter what the size of a person's accomplishments are, there is never an excuse for having a big head. Pride, yes; big head, no.

Ego-The "I Know It All" Attitude

To an egocentric person, the world begins, ends and revolves around him. An egotist can be funny by default. A boss asked one of his employees how badly he wanted a raise. The employee said, "Real badly. I have been praying to God for one." The boss replied, "You are not going to get it because you went over my head."

An egotist talks and looks down on others.

Egotism is the anaesthetic that deadens the pain of stupidity.

--Knute Rockne

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SELFISHNESS AND SELF--INTEREST?

It is important to understand the distinction between these two words.

Selfishness is negative and destructive. It destroys relationships because it is based on negative values. It believes in the win/lose principle. Self-interest is positive. It welcomes prosperity, peace of mind, good health and happiness. Self-interest believes in win/win.

Envy/Jealousy--Crab Mentality

What is crab mentality? Do you know how they catch crabs? They put a box with one side open for the crabs to walk in. It has a base but no lid. When the box is full, they close the fourth side. The crabs could easily crawl out of the box and go free. But this doesn't happen, because the crab mentality doesn't let it happen. The moment one crab starts crawling up, the others pull it down and nobody gets out. Guess where they all end up? They all get cooked.

The same thing is true with people who are jealous. They never get ahead in life and prevent others from succeeding. Jealousy is a sign of poor self-esteem. It is a universal trait. The biggest challenge comes when jealousy becomes a national character. Countries start degenerating, resulting in disastrous consequences for coming generations. Jealousy corrupts people.

One Should Have an Open Mind Rather Than an Empty Mind

What is the difference between an open mind and an empty mind? An open mind is flexible; it evaluates and may accept or reject ideas and concepts based on merit. An empty mind is a dumping ground for good and bad. It accepts without evaluation.