10:15 am  

positive thinking thought #41

21 to 26 STEPS TO BUILDING A POSITIVE PERSONALITY Step 21: Be Understanding and Caring In relationships we all make mistakes and some...

21 to 26 STEPS TO BUILDING A POSITIVE PERSONALITY

Step 21: Be Understanding and Caring

In relationships we all make mistakes and sometimes we are insensitive to the needs of others, especially those very close to us. All this leads to disappointment and resentment. The answer to handling disappointment is understanding.

Relationships don't come about because people are perfect. They come about because of understanding.

There is more gratification in being a caring person than in just being a nice person. A caring attitude builds goodwill which is the best kind of insurance that a person can have and it doesn't cost a thing.

Some people substitute money for caring and understanding. Being understanding is far more important than money and the best way to be understood is to be understanding. And the basis of real communication is also to be understanding.

Practice Generosity

It is a sign of emotional maturity. Being generous is being thoughtful and considerate without being asked. Generous people experience the richness of life which a selfish person cannot even dream of.

Be considerate; selfishness brings its own revenge. Be sensitive to other people's feelings.

Be Tactful

Tact is very important in any relationship. Tact is the ability to make a point without alienating the other person.

Kindness

Money will buy a great dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail. It is never too soon for kindness because we don't know how soon is too late.

Kindness is a language the deaf can hear and the blind can see. It is better to treat a friend with kindness while he is living than display flowers on his grave when he is dead.

An act of kindness makes a person feel good regardless of whether he is doing it or it is done to him. Kind words never hurt the tongue.

Step 22: Practice Courtesy on a Daily Basis

Courtesy is nothing more than consideration for others. It opens doors that would not otherwise open. A courteous person who is not very sharp, will go further in life than a discourteous but sharp person.

It is the little things that make a big difference. Have you ever been bitten by an elephant? The most obvious answer is no. Have you ever been bitten by a mosquito? Most of us have. It is the little irritants that test patience. Courtesy is made of nothing more than many petty sacrifices.

Small courtesies will take a person much further than cleverness. Courtesy is an offshoot of deep moral behavior. It costs nothing but pays well.

No one is too big or too busy to practice courtesy. Courtesy means giving your seat to the elderly or to the disabled. Courtesy can be a warm smile, a thank-you. It is a small investment but the payoffs are big. It enhances the other person's self-worth. Courtesy requires humility. It is unfortunate when people become obnoxious, because they detract from their positive traits. I have overheard people saying with pride, "I can be pretty obnoxious."

Scatter the seeds of courtesy wherever you can. Some are bound to take root and elevate you in the eyes of others.

Manners

Courtesy and manners go hand in hand. It is equally important, if not more, to practice manners at home and not just on outsiders. Showing consideration and good manners brings out a feeling of warmth and acceptance in the home. Courtesy means practicing good manners.

Besides being self-satisfying, politeness and courtesy have many more advantages than rude behavior. Considering that, I wonder why more people don't practice courtesy. Rude and discourteous people may get short term results. Most people like to avoid dealing with such behavior and in the long run, rude people are disliked. Courteous behavior ought to be taught to children at an early age so that they can grow and become mature, considerate adults. Courteous behavior, once learned, stays for life. It demonstrates a caring attitude and a sensitivity to other people's feelings. It seems trivial and unimportant, but little phrases such as, "please," "thank you" and "I'm sorry" take a person a long way.

Remember, being courteous will breed courtesy in return. Practice as much and as often as you can. Initially, it may take some effort, but the effort is well worth it.

Politeness is the hallmark of gentleness. Courtesy is another name for politeness. It costs a little but pays a lot, not only to the individual but to the entire organization.

Have you noticed that sometimes when one person is telling a joke, another person will jump in and give the punch line, drawing attention to himself. And after everyone laughs he will reveal where he read it. This may show superior knowledge but it shows inferior manners.

Courtesy Shows Good Upbringing

Many brilliant and talented people have destroyed their own success because they lack courtesy and manners. Politeness and courtesy are signs of being cultured. Rudeness and discourtesy show the lack of it. Treat other people with respect and dignity.

Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.

--Eric Hoffer

Step 23: Develop a Sense of Humor

Have a sense of humor and you will possess the ability to laugh at yourself.

A sense of humor makes a person likable and attractive. Some people are humor-impaired. Learn to laugh at yourself because it is the safest humor. Laughing at yourself gives you the energy to bounce back. Laughter is a natural tranquilizer for people all over the world. Humor may not change the message, but it certainly can help to take the sting out of the bite.

THE HEALING POWER OF HUMOR

Dr. Norman Cousins, author of Anatomy of an Illness, is a prime example of how a person can cure himself of a terminal illness. He had a 1-in-500 chance of recovery, but Cousin wanted to prove that if there was anything like mind over matter, he'd make it a reality. He figured if negative emotions caused negative chemicals in our body, then the reverse must be true too. Positive emotions, like happiness and laughter, would bring positive chemicals into our system. He moved from the hospital to a hotel and rented humorous movies and literally cured himself by laughing. Of course, medical help is important, but the will to live for the patient is equally, if not more, important.

A funny bone could be a lifesaver. Besides, it makes life's adversities easier to handle.

Step 24: Don't Be Sarcastic and Put Others Down

Negative people's humor may include sarcasm, put downs and hurtful remarks. Any humor involving sarcasm that makes fun of others is in poor taste. An injury is forgiven more easily than an insult.

When someone blushes with embarrassment, when someone carries away an ache, when something sacred is made to appear common, when someone's weakness provides the laughter, when profanity is required to make it funny, when a child is brought to tears or when everyone can't join in the laughter, it's a poor joke.

--Cliff Thomas

To a sadist everything is funny, so long as it is happening to someone else. It is not an uncommon sight to see boys throwing stones at frogs just to have fun. The boys' fun means death to the frogs. It is not fun for the frogs.

Humor can be valuable or dangerous, depending on whether you are laughing with someone or at someone. When humor involves making fun of or ridiculing others, it is not in good taste nor is it innocent. Hurting others' feelings can be cruel. Some people get their fun by putting others down. Sarcasm alienates people. It is a good idea to keep humor low risk.

Step 25: To Have a Friend, Be a Friend

We keep looking for the right employer, the right employee, spouse, parent, child, and so on.

We forget that we have to be the right person too. Experience has shown that there is no perfect person, no perfect job, no perfect spouse. When we look for perfection, we are disappointed because all we find is that we traded one set of problems for another set of problems. Having lived in the West for over 20 years, I have observed that with the high divorce rate the way it is, people find after they get married for the second time that their new spouse doesn't have the problems of the first one but has a totally new set of problems. Similarly, people change jobs or fire employees looking for the right one only to find that they traded one set of problems for another. Let's try and work around these challenges and make divorcing or firing the last rather than the first resort.

Sacrifice

Friendship takes sacrifice. Building friendships and relationships takes sacrifice, loyalty, and maturity. Sacrifice takes going out of one's way and never happens by the way. Selfishness destroys friendships. Casual acquaintances come easy but true friendships take time to build and effort to keep. Friendships are put to tests and when they endure, they grow stronger. We must learn to recognize counterfeit relationships. True friends do not want to see their friends hurt. True friendship gives more than it gets and stands by adversity.

Fair-Weather Friend

A fair-weather friend is like a banker who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back the minute it rains.

Two men were traveling through the forest and came across a bear. One of them quickly climbed a tree but the other was unable to, so he lay on the ground and played dead. The bear sniffed around his ear and left. The fellow from the tree came down and asked him, "What did the bear tell you?" The man replied, "He said, don't trust a friend who deserts you in danger." The message is as dear as daylight.

Mutual trust and confidence are the foundation stone of all friendship.

People Make Friends for Different Motives

Friendships can be categorized as follows:

• Friendship of pleasure. You are a friend so long as the relationship is entertaining and fun, i.e., a fair weather friend.
• Friendship of convenience. This is where people make friendships to gain favors. These friendships last until the usefulness of the other person ends. These friendships are not permanent.
• True friendship. This is based on mutual respect and admiration. True friends are people who have the good of each other at heart and act accordingly. Good deeds come back to us in the form of good friends. There is lasting goodness on both sides. It is based on character and commitment.

Prosperity brings friends, adversity reveals them. Fair weather friendship is described well by the following poem:

Rejoice, and men will seek you;

Grieve, and they turn and go;

They want full measure of all your pleasure,

But they do not need your woe.

Be glad, and your friends are many;

Be sad, and you lose them all

There are none to decline your nectar Ed wine,

But alone you must drink life's gall.

--Ella Wheeler Wilcox

People who are true friends in the real sense help one another, but these are not favors. They are acts incidental to friendship. And if they don't help they would be failing in their relationships.

Relationships don't just happen, they take time to build. They are built on kindness, understanding, and self sacrifice, not on jealousy, selfishness, puffed up egos, and rude behavior.

Relationships should never be taken for granted. Once relationships are established, they need to be nurtured constantly. Nobody is perfect. Expecting perfection is setting yourself up for disappointment.

Friendly Cooperation

It is difficult to achieve success without the friendly cooperation of others. A pleasing personality is flexible and adaptable while maintaining composure. Flexibility does not mean flimsy or helpless behavior. It means assessing and responding appropriately and in a timely manner to a given situation. Flexibility does not stretch to principles and values.

Step 26: Show Empathy

The wrong we do to others and what we suffer are weighed differently. Empathy alone is a very important characteristic of a positive personality. People with empathy ask themselves this question: "How would I feel if someone treated me that way?"

A PUPPY

A boy went to the pet store to buy a puppy. Four of them were sitting together, priced at $50 each. Then there was one sitting alone in a corner. The boy asked if that was from the same litter, if it was for sale, and why it was sitting alone. The store owner replied that it was from the same litter, it was a deformed one, and not for sale.

The boy asked what the deformity was. The store owner replied that the puppy was born without a hip socket and had a leg missing. The boy asked, "What will you do with this one?" The reply was it would be put to sleep. The boy asked if he could play with that puppy. The store owner said, "Sure." The boy picked the puppy up and the puppy licked him on the ear. Instantly the boy decided that was the puppy he wanted to buy. The store owner said "That is not for sale!" The boy insisted.

The store owner agreed. The boy pulled out $2 from his pocket and ran to get $48 from his mother. As he reached the door the store owner shouted after him, "I don't understand why you would pay full money for this one when you could buy a good one for the same price." The boy didn't say a word. He just lifted his left trouser leg and he was wearing a brace. The pet store owner said, "I understand. Go ahead, take this one." This is empathy.

Be Sympathetic

When you share sorrow, it divides; when you share happiness, it multiplies.

--William J. Bennett, Simon & Schuster

What is the Difference Between Sympathy and Empathy?

Sympathy is, "I understand how you feel." Empathy is, "I feel how you feel." Both sympathy and empathy are important. But of the two, empathy is certainly more important.

When we empathize with our customers, employers, employees, and families, what happens to our relationships? They improve. It generates understanding, loyalty, peace of mind, and higher productivity.

How do you judge the character of a person or, for that matter, of a community or a country? It is very easy. Just observe how the person or community treats these three categories of people:

1. The disabled

2. The elderly

3. Their subordinates

These are the three groups of people who cannot stand up as equals for their rights.

Be a Better Person

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and wrong. Because some time in our lives we would have been all of these ourselves.

--Lloyd Shearer